A Self-Interview on The State of Internet Interviews

To the onlooker, the interview should be indecipherable from a first date. It should be casual, yet probing. The subject should be made comfortable and at ease. The flow of questions should be conversational, revealing knowledge about the subject, but not putting words in the subject’s mouth. The interviewer should not be overly antagonistic, but should aim at uncovering previously unknown truths. In my opinion, one should be able to learn just as much about the interviewer while reading the transcript as they do the subject.

Recently, while reading a Q&A with a casual internet acquaintance/future husband of mine, I realized that interviewers have become quite lazy. There is no romance left in many interviews, they have become rather formulaic. It’s easy to blame on technology, with the whole simplicity of copy/pasting the same drivel and sending it to many people.

This is not to say that the interviewer in question did not do a semi-admirable job in crafting questions that would allow the aforementioned casual internet acquaintance/future husband appear witty and creative, but that is only because he is both witty and creative. A good interviewer should be able to make a boring subject sound interesting and an interesting subject seem iconic.

In an attempt to better illustrate the problem, I have emailed myself a list of questions and I will answer them to the best of my ability.

What do you consider the problem is with interviews today?

As I wrote in the preamble to this Q&A, I feel that many interviewers today simply “email it in”, to turn a phrase. Sending someone a predetermined list of questions to answer does not enable to interviewer to really play off the answers. There tends to be a logical flow between the questions themselves, but not between questions to previous responses.

Personally, I like going on random tangents. For instance, I was just writing something about my current job at Windfire and I compared it to watching penguins waddling down Fifth Avenue in New York or Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills. I’m too poor for therapy, so my interviewer should take the place of a therapist and ask me why my subconscious mentions penguins when I should be talking about distributed renewable energy technologies. It is quid quo pro. You get a brilliant piece about my psyche and I save $300 an hour. Win-win-win. (The third win is for the reader, obviously.)

But as I’m answering a list of questions, which will in turn be posted on a website to where I will happily share a link that validates me as someone “interesting enough to be interviewed”, the only ones who may psychoanalyze my penguin fetish are going to be located in the comment section.

I could never really bear to read comment sections for anything of value, besides for the Schadenfreude aspect. They are full of poorly spelled ad hominem epithets and weak argument structures. Has anyone ever really been convinced by a comment they have read on the internet?

Why would I consider you an expert in interviews anyways?

I’ve interviewed rockstars and CEOs, artists and actors, entrepreneurs and agents in the past, for many different publications and sites. I’ve even interviewed a hospital administrator. We chatted about his bowtie, if I remember correctly. I feel that fashion choices are a great ice-breaker in any conversation.

I tried to interview a tree once, because my mother had always said that I could probably talk with anyone. The tree was rather stoic in response to my questions, but in his defense, he was quite old and possibly sleeping. I wonder if trees have a sleeping schedule akin to bears, or if they are in perpetual hibernation.

After a recent interview, an interviewee walked up to me in a club and said “You’re Ezra, right? We loved the interview you did with our band earlier today. It was the best interview we had in a long time.” I’m not going to say where else they’ve given interviews recently, but the list is long and impressive.

What do you think could save interviews on the internet?

I’d even prefer chats, Skype calls. Anything fluid.

A good interview makes the reader feel like they are in on the conversation. I actually loved an interview I read a while back between Tavi Gevinson and Lorde. It made me wish I was a 17-year-old girl again.

I wish that people would throw the script away. We aren’t on a technical support call with a call center in India. There is no need to ask the same sorts of questions to each person they interview.

I don’t care if you are interviewing Joe Jonas or a graphic designer, you should make the interviewee feel like a rockstar. Actually, if I were to interview Joe Jonas, I’d probably play it cool and talk about his shoes or something.

Where is the weirdest place you’ve ever done an interview?

I have never conducted an interview in a brothel or a cemetery, if that is what you are implying.

But I should. “As I sat down in the Crazy Horse Gentlemen’s Club with Father O'Loughlin, we discussed his views on the Vatican’s shift to the left, while tipping Crystal expertly dancing on the stripper pole to our right.”

Or, “we spoke about his inspiration for writing children’s books while enjoying a snack of Gouda expertly paired with a delicious California Merlot on a picnic blanket on the lush green grass of the historic cemetery for victims of childhood diphtheria in the 1920’s.”

Do you consider your beautiful eyes detrimental to your ability to interview, because they are really beautiful and I just got lost in them and forgot what the next question was?

It is a struggle on a daily basis, and I don’t really like to talk about it. There is no support group for individuals with beautiful eyes. And when you bring it up, people think you are being pretentious. So I must employ tactics, like wearing sunglasses while interviewing or conducting an interview in a dark location where I simply appear to be an amorphous blob.

Has an interview ever gotten you laid?

With the subject or someone who read the interview?

Do you like long walks on the beach?

I used to run on the beach every day in Tel Aviv, down to Jaffa. Or sometimes up to the port of Tel Aviv. Now I prefer long solitary runs through the Hollywood Hills. Why do you ask?

What about sunsets?

I’m a huge fan of sunsets. It’s partly because they are so liminal, and if you had read my bio at The Kernel, you’d know that I really love liminal locations like the beach and liminal times like sunset. Even my birthday party this year was held on a rooftop during sunset.

Birthdays are kind of liminal, as well, if you know what I mean. They are like a break from reality. You don’t really have the wisdom of a 33 year old yet, because you’ve been it for less than a day. But you’re too overqualified to be 32 anymore.

What are you doing this weekend?

I have no plans yet, but I’ll probably be in Los Angeles.